'When those babies die, a piece of my heart dies, too' 09/26/06 A few weeks ago before I left our community in the mountains of Haiti I interviewed several families with babies that had severe physical and mental problems, with the hope they would meet the criteria for adoption. During each interview it soon became apparent because of different issues we wouldn’t be able to adopt any of those babies. I can still see each of those young mothers and those little innocent faces as if I had just seen them. Their little faces will forever be engrained in my memory like a black and white negative or photograph. When I hear that one of those precious little fellows I have seen has died, a piece of my heart dies too. I have many times thought about how the Lord has blessed me with so many opportunities to see children overcome severe problems. And it is hard not to question why those handicapped babies in Haiti have to die; I know having to tell those families we can’t help knowing most likely those babies will die, is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. I know God has His reasons, but it still hurts. Several times I have sat there thinking how in this world did I get myself into these situations? I remember it like it was yesterday when my good friend Bill Childers said, “Deacon, that place is exactly as described, and you really need to go there. Your knowledge of how people lived on the farm many years ago is just how they live in our area of Haiti. And that small pre school is exactly as we had heard. You’re going to have to go there and see for yourself. Your life will be changed forever.” Bill has since left for Heaven to continue on with his mission his Lord had planned for him. I told him I didn’t know whether I wanted to go there or not, since everything he was telling me sounded demanding and strenuous. I didn’t want to walk all those miles, worry about getting sunburned and the high humidity, and having to fight malaria-carrying mosquitoes. Or worry about catching some sort of disease, I didn’t want to ride cramped in the back of that beat up old pickup truck with bald tires that could at any time break down, or get stuck in one of those deep mud holes. I didn’t want to see hopeless people; I knew for sure I didn’t want to see sick and starving kids. I felt like I was not made for such a place. And I didn’t want to worry about being robbed by bands of roaming angry Haitian criminals.
I had told Bill that I didn’t feel like I needed to go just yet, thinking I was not made for such a place. He said, “Deacon, you need to pray about it. I know you will get the right answer.” Then my struggle began, especially with the Devil. I am a blessed fellow. All my life I have been around people who gave me advice, and some of that advice stuck in my memory and will until I am called away by my Maker. One such person was my Grandmother Janie Balliew who told me several times, “If you having doubts and don’t think the Lord wants you to do something, then don’t do it. Don’t pay attention to anybody except the Lord. But you better remember this, Son, if you can’t get it off your mind no matter what, and worry about the decision you are trying to make; you better pay attention to your feelings. It could be the Lord telling you what to do, and that you may be letting the Devil and his crowd confuse you too much. If you don’t pay attention to the Lord you may get a surprise you don’t want.” Once as a teenager I asked Granny what kind of a surprise could a fellow get. Staring me right in the eyes she said, “I don’t know because I have never seen anybody that was foolish enough not to do what they knew the Lord wanted them to do. And hope I never do.” Seeing the serious look on Granny’s face I remember telling her, “Boy, me neither Granny.” After much prayer, lots of encouragement, and a large amount of guilt I decided to travel to the mountains of Haiti. My thoughts were that most of what we were doing there was my idea in the beginning and felt I would be responsible if all of the work my friends had done there failed. And with Granny Balliew’s philosophy always on my mind, knowing the Devil and his crowd were going to be around to throw bricks, I started planning. I also knew the Haitian government had declared voodoo a religion equal to all the other religions on the island. That meant in Haiti the Devil was worshiped in some degree by probably 80 percent of the people, and that added to my worries. We left Calhoun at 3:30 one Thursday morning with our personals and the 100 pounds of supplies we would be allowed on to carry on the plane. We boarded a plane in Atlanta for Miami from where we flew to Port-au-Prince, Haiti. When getting off the plane in Port-au-Prince, Bill was absolutely right; walking across that tarmac in the heat, humidity, and the smell of open sewage was a shock. Clearing customs, seeing mass humanity outside the airport, going by van to a small airport, flying by single engine plane into the mountains, landing on a grass strip then loading our supplies into that pickup truck was like an awful dream coming true. My pal Bill was a genius when it came to explaining things in detail. Then that pickup truck ride over roads that were so rough almost everyone wound up with bruises and scrapes from being tossed about. One and one half hours to travel 12 miles, finally arriving at our destination about 15 hours after leaving Calhoun, Ga. After visiting with our dear friends Ivy Saloman and Roger Honor, our Bill Childers Preschool director, having the evening meal, getting settled in the dorm, a shower in a trickle of well water that we were advised not to use to brush our teeth or drink, very tired I went to bed with the temperature a humid 85 degrees. Going to sleep was impossible because of the load shouting, drum beating and chanting I heard coming from somewhere in the distance. I later found out some people were conducting a voodoo ceremony for a friend who had just died, apparently thinking he needed help getting into Heaven. The next morning I awoke still tired thinking about the long walk I was going to have to make to our preschool in that Haitian heat and humidity and wondering how in the world I got talked into this and wishing I was at home. It’s God’s business Dreading all that was about to take place for some unknown reason I remembered another thing my Grandmother Balliew told me, “Son, there will be a few times in your life that what you are doing is not your business any more, it’s God’s business and you better get on with His business or you will be in for some miserable times.” With those thoughts in mind I started doing what I realized must be His business; for sure it wasn’t mine, and successes began to happen. Since that morning I have been on the Lord’s mission there and will be until He is finished with me. I have no doubt about it being His plan because of the successes and the way things have happened here and in Haiti these past four years. I have seen things I know didn’t happen by coincidence, happenstance, or luck. Another thing I remember from childhood is that you have to stay focused and committed. If you are doing the Lord’s work. the Devil and his advocates will be there to throw bricks at you and in your path. I definitely have seen and felt the Devil and his advocates at work. I have seen and felt their bricks here and in Haiti also. Our part of Haiti is the home of some of the most hopeless and desperate people in the world, with suffering at every turn. If you are not prepared you will be overwhelmed by those people’s plight. My Buddy Bill was right about being there, and seeing will change a person forever. You soon learn if you are to be successful as a missionary you have to absolutely focus on your mission and not be deterred by the people’s other troubles. You care, but you can only do so much - meaning you have to develop patience, something I have to work on daily. And pray a lot. I have looked up over my right shoulder many times saying, “Lord, you know you’re going to have to help me with this situation I have myself in.” Bill’s dream continues Our Bill Childers Preschool has 60 young fellows and is doing well. We teach our 3-, 4-, and 5-year-old little fellows five days a week, feed them a meal each day, and pay four teachers, all thanks to our caring sponsors. Especially the Mattie Lou Strain, New Men’s, Faith Seekers, and Builders Sunday School Classes from Calhoun First Baptist Church who have been continuous sponsors since we began the Pre School. All this now is being organized by Mrs. Bill Childers who is faithfully carrying on with Bill’s dream. We want to give those little fellows a head start with their chance to read. We know once they learn to read they can open their Bibles and read about God’s promise of hope and a future because in our area they have very little of either. Due to the airline regulations we now are only allowed to carry 100 pounds of supplies in two 23-gallon plastic containers to our school and village on each trip. On past trips we have carried over 100 pounds of medicines, over 250 pounds of school supplies and toys. We have carried many sets of baby clothes and baby shoes. We have carried over a thousand packages of vegetable seeds. With donated funds we bought the community several gardening tools. We found we can purchase almost anything you need in Haiti. It’s more expensive, but less expensive than shipping. Shipping is almost impossible, and it would probably be stolen before it gets to our destination anyway. We dug the community a well providing them fresh water thank to those Calhoun First Baptist Sunday School Classes and Calhoun First United Methodist Church. Once while on the way to our school I stopped by the well thinking about being told of how the women at one time had to walk for hours in searing heat across a rugged landscape to get water from a creek that would be foul-smelling, polluted with garbage, parasites, and feces from farm animals, which had to be boiled or it would cause people to become sick. Not anymore thanks to the clean water from the well that our Calhoun community provided. With the Lord’s help we are now able to communicate with our friends there by e-mail and cellphones we provided. We also have a savings account in a new small bank 12 miles from our Roi community where we deposit funds that can be transferred to our friends’ accounts when needed. We once had to carry money on our person when we went there, taking a chance of being robbed. Once we had to depend on the mail for communications, and it could take about three weeks to get an answer to a question. Having these conveniences and trusted friends has made it simpler to make things work there, and best of all we will not have to make as many costly trips. Can’t throw caution Things are changing in Haiti. The place is not nearly as safe as it was four years ago. The changes that are taking place cause me to worry about missionaries who go there as individuals, not in large groups. Haiti is a dangerous third world country and has been more unsettled than usual for the couple of years starting from the time former Haiti President Aristide was driven from the country early in 2004. The relative overall safety in Haiti was worse just after President Aristide was overthrown, with a multitude of armed rebels roaming the country and prisons being emptied to join the rebellion. As a result the U.S. State Department issued travel warnings and restrictions for Haiti. Kidnappings for money really started to increase in the middle of 2005 and especially in last part of 2005, as Haiti’s presidential elections approached. While kidnappings and carjackings were always of some concern, it was usually limited to Haitians or Haiti business people. However, now Americans and even missionaries are being kidnapped and the rest are vulnerable because they fetch a higher ransom; several have been hurt lately. Two have been killed. Getting to our area has been relatively safe, but there is now an increased chance for trouble. We have been encouraged by a friend with the United Nations and we agree until things settle down it will not be safe to visit our area of Haiti as an individual. Thanks to the Lord, trusted friends here and there, e-mail, banking, the cellphone, a better postal system, and a camera to make pictures showing us the results of activities, we are doing a much more effective and efficient job. Our little fellows are in good hands, and we God willing will continue to support them and our The Bill Childers Preschool.
Published in Calhoun Times, September 29, 2006, 8:20 AM
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